Love or Loss: Reading Swift in “loml”

A subversive heartbreak ballad.

Taylor Swift has written many heartbreak songs, but one on The Tortured Poets Department might just be her saddest yet—and it’s not a track 5. In “loml,” Swift subverts expectations by building up a romantic narrative and then exposing its downfall, bit by bit. As a storyteller, she expertly mirrors the experience of crushing heartbreak as the song unfolds.

Rekindled Flames

In the first verse, the speaker recounts getting back together with an ex-lover: “Who’s gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames / If we know the steps anyway?” By beginning with this rhetorical question set in the negative, she makes it clear that it will inevitably happen. The suggestion that someone might want to “stop” them marks this as a dangerous situation, with the literal meaning of “flames” adding to this connotation. Swift often uses dancing as a metaphor for love and romantic experiences, with “waltzing” being a sophisticated version of this. As a verb, this type of dance also evokes an elegant and languid image of easily falling back into “rekindled” habits. The speaker and her muse returned to their old relationship out of convenience and familiarity with “the steps,” with the responsibility shared by them both.

Swift shifts from dance to a handicraft metaphor: “We embroidered the memories of the time I was away / Stitching, ‘We were just kids, babe.’” The speaker found herself romanticizing “memories” and pardoning their past mistakes on account of their youth. She likens this practice to embroidery, which is a form of decoration and artistic expression; in effect, she was making the memories look prettier than they actually were. Swift has used the concept of “[s]titching” in the context of love before, in “Glitch” and “So Long, London.”¹

The speaker tried to approach the situation with caution: “I said, ‘I don’t mind, it takes time’ / I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed / I felt aglow like this / Never before and never since.” She realized that, like embroidery, a slow process often done by hand, it would take time to get to know each other again. Rather than being naive or “starry-eyed,” she chose to play it “safe” and try not to get hurt by rushing back into a relationship. The final line of this verse describes the singularity of this experience and being “aglow” with light and happiness. Ironically, however, Swift used similar language to describe love on both 1989 and evermore, ten and four years prior.²

Fools Rush In

Each chorus of the song is different, and the first one describes falling in love with the muse: “If you know it in one glimpse, it’s legendary / You and I go from one kiss to getting married.” The speaker experienced a whirlwind love at first “glimpse” that she deems “legendary”; that is, worthy of storytelling. The muse comes across as a hopeless romantic, but one ridden with empty promises of “getting married.”³ The relationship is already on the brink of death: “Still alive, killing time at the cemetery / Never quite buried.” The juxtaposition of “alive” and “killing” right next to each other sums up the contradictory feelings toward the muse. The speaker prepares for the worst, waiting for the end at the figurative cemetery, but it never comes. Having returned to this relationship, it was “[n]ever quite buried,” making it impossible for her to move on.

The speaker’s disappointment comes out as resentment: “In your suit and tie, in the nick of time / You low-down boy, you stand-up guy / You Holy Ghost, you told me I’m the love of your life / You said I’m the love of your life / About a million times.” The “suit and tie” is the uniform for either a wedding or a funeral, the two potential outcomes she sees for the relationship. There is another contrast between the phrases “killing time” and “nick of time,” with the former describing waiting and the latter urgency—the muse shows up just in time. Likewise, “low-down” and “stand-up” are opposites, their distinction marked by “boy” and “guy” as well. The speaker contrasts her expectations of the muse with the disappointing reality; when they were together, he showered her with love, but it didn’t last. By calling him a “Holy Ghost,” she renders him a godly, powerful entity, someone to be worshipped, who simultaneously can’t be seen or interacted with like other people. This physical and emotional disconnect, symbolized by the image of the ghost, is a theme on TTPD and within this song.⁴

Forever Is the Sweetest Con

In the second verse, the speaker reflects on the muse’s deception: “Who’s gonna tell me the truth when you blew in with the winds of fate / And told me I reformed you? / When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes / Well, you took me to hell too.” She exposes his promise of being “reformed” as a lie that no one warned her about—in reality, he is just as bad as he once was.⁵ The phrase “blew in with the winds of fate” conjures an image of gliding back into her life as if by destiny, riding on the wind in a laid-back manner requiring no effort. His “impressionist paintings” were a false image of happiness that he sold her, tricking her into a living hell instead. Swift’s use of the classical dichotomy of “heaven” and “hell” escalates the situation to a cosmic scale of bliss and misery. As an art style, Impressionism is characterized by soft and fuzzy paint strokes that toy with the light, which is a visual symbol of the muse’s false promises.

The fallout of the relationship is ongoing: “And all at once, the ink bleeds / A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme / But I’ve felt a hole like this / Never before and ever since.” When “ink bleeds” out of a pen or written words, it runs all over the page and can ruin what was being written—in this case, the love story. The speaker deems herself a “fool” on account of this lack of control and the fact that falling in love so quickly was too good to be true.⁶ Swift uses the phrase “get-love-quick scheme” instead of “get-rich-quick,” which she also did in “Why She Disappeared,” a poem from the reputation era, to highlight the speaker’s search for love and valuing it above monetary wealth. The speaker’s newfound cynicism is revealed in her view of superficial love as a “con,” and it begs the question: is the “con man” the muse? Or could he also be Swift the artist, writing all her songs about love and romance only for her to continue to experience the loss of love? In any case, the loss is now what is singular and unique as the speaker feels a “hole” in her life. This word symbolizes the absence of her lover and a sense of emptiness, and yet it is ever present as the feeling stays with her.

Playing a Role

The second chorus starts off the same as the first but also shifts to account for the loss of the muse: “If you know it in one glimpse, it’s legendary / What we thought was for all time was momentary.” Instead of “getting married,” the rhyming word is “momentary,” the opposite to the former’s sense of permanence. The speaker uses movie metaphors to reference the muse playing roles that were not genuine: “You cinephile in black and white / All those plot twists and dynamite / Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry / You said I’m the love of your life.” As a fancier word for a movie fanatic, “cinephile” gives the muse an air of sophistication.

Similarly, “black and white” references the early days of cinema and Old Hollywood, but this monochromatic image also underlines a lack of color and feeling. The “plot twists and dynamite” that might make a movie more exciting cause too much unpredictability in the romantic relationship that she hoped would provide stability. Swift plays on “Mr. Steal Your Girl” by following it up with “make her cry,” again revealing the full result of the muse’s actions too late. The speaker left a different relationship for this one, only for it to go terribly wrong and lead to tears. In light of this information, the muse’s talk of love becomes negligible.

Ghosts

In the bridge, the speaker’s sadness turns to regret: “You shit-talked me under the table / Talkin’ rings and talkin’ cradles / I wish I could un-recall / How we almost had it all.” The first lyric incorporates three different expressions: “talk someone under the table” (bore), “under the table” (behind someone’s back), and “drink someone under the table” (holding alcohol better). This creates an impression of the muse going on and on about the speaker, bad-mouthing her when she was not around. At the same time, his talk of “rings” and “cradles” returns to his false promises of marriage and children together. The speaker wishes that she could forget the pain that this hope and disappointment caused her. Calling this life together “it all” reveals that the speaker did want to settle into a family life with the muse, but now that this is out of her reach, she regrets wanting it in the first place.

The ghost image returns: “Dancing phantoms on the terrace / Are they second-hand embarrassed / That I can’t get out of bed / ‘Cause something counterfeit’s dead?” These “phantoms” are ghosts of their past selves, found “[d]ancing” once again in a happier, carefree state. Those versions of themselves are dead. In fact, they are so separate from the present that they might be able to feel “second-hand embarrass[ment]” upon witnessing the speaker and the muse now. Unable to “get out of bed,” the speaker sums up her state of depression. The word “counterfeit” references “Glitch,” in which the speaker doubts the legitimacy of a relationship because it seems too good to be true: “It must be counterfeit.” Following this link, it turns out that she was right all along about the illegitimacy of the relationship now that it is over.

Up In Flames

The final chorus begins with fragments of the first ones: “It was legendary / It was momentary / It was unnecessary / Should’ve let it stay buried.” The speaker determines that the pain and hardship they caused each other was “unnecessary.” With the shift from “never quite buried” to “stay buried,” she references their “rekindled flame” again, asserting that they should not have gotten back together in the first place. Her anger culminates in the new lyrics: “Oh, what a valiant roar / What a bland goodbye / The coward claimed he was a lion.” The speaker sums up the muse’s contradictory communication with this allusion to the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz. The character is supposed to be an amusing oxymoron, a lion in a constant state of fear, but here the muse is a “coward” who “claimed” to have courage. Despite his brave “roar,” his departure was “bland” and unremarkable.

This chorus goes on longer than the others, as the speaker finds more words to say: “I’m combing through the braids of lies / ‘I’ll never leave,’ ‘Never mind’ / Our field of dreams engulfed in fire / Your arson’s match, your somber eyes.” Crucially, it’s not possible to comb through a braid without completely tangling the hair—she is trying in vain to straighten out the muse’s “lies.” The two quotes with back-to-back use of “‘never’” indicate that his words were unreliable and he was able to take back his promises in the same breath. The speaker deems the muse an arsonist who set their “field of dreams” on fire. This image of the dreams for their life together being destroyed is reminiscent of Swift burning down the Lover house during the Eras Tour. Despite the muse having lit the fatal “match,” he is watching this happen with “somber eyes” as well, suggesting a degree of regret, or at least sadness.

With the final lyrics, Swift subverts expectations and reveals what the title truly stands for: “And I’ll still see it until I die / You’re the loss of my life.” From the speaker’s perspective, the breakup and this fiery scene are ongoing and will last forever. With the use of “loss of my life” instead of the meaning of the acronym, “love of my life,” she marks this “loss” as life-defining. Despite all the memories of their love together, it is the end of the relationship and its powerful image that stick in her mind. With this reveal coming at the very end of the song, Swift delivers the gut punch that allows the listener to experience emotions in parallel with the speaker. The cross-references to other songs in her discography make this one all the more devastating as she unravels lyric after painful lyric.

---

thanks for reading this essay on no, but listen! i’m happy to share my work for free, but if you’ve been enjoying my writing and would like to show your support, please consider making a one-time contribution below

you can also like, comment, subscribe, and share my work on substack or beyond! thank you for being here:)

1. The lyrics are, respectively: "Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch" and "Stitches undone."

2. "This love is glowing in the dark" ("This Love") and "Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow" ("ivy").

3. In addition to this song, a few others reference the fallout of this expectation: "I died at the altar waiting for the proof" ("So Long, London") and "Wearing imaginary rings" ("Fresh Out The Slammer").

4. "My beloved ghost and me" ("How Did It End?"), "Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses?" ("Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus"), and "me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time" ("Florida!!!").

5. This is a similar idea to the theme of "I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)."

6. "cowboy like me": "Forever is the sweetest con."